I'm sorry

---

I'll be back.


---

(p.s. my twitter account is sucking up all my internet energies; http://twitter.com/juliaher )

achey

I've had a headache for 3 days.

Maybe it's because I look at the computer too much.

Maybe it's because I look at the computer too much without ever "getting things done on the internet".

Last night Holly and I sat down and updated our band's Myspace page together for a while. That was fun. Surfing the internet as a partner activity.

Put up this "controversial" photo:



and some more photos. and a new song. and a flier for our next show.

And a link to a video of us performing part of the first and only song I ever wrote all by my lonesome, Batman. Recorded by the lovely Valeria Picerno.

I think today is supposed to be the official american first day of summer. A lot of people have been blogging their summer goals so I think I am going to copy them and do that;

This summer I would like to:
-chill out
-figure out dishes to cook with all the odd ingredients that have accumulated in my cupboards
-organize my belongings
-figure out how to enjoy drawing again
-think of some ideas for a senior thesis
-write more
-take more pictures
-get my keyboard fixed and organize the files on my hard drives.

good luck me.

MUMMIES

Baby demon mummy at Rakanji Temple


Shinnyokai-Shonin “living mummy” at Dainichibo Temple

Monster Mummies of Japan via Pink Tentacle

Speaking of mummies; my hard drive crashed recently -> I lost all of my music (there was quite a lot of it). I felt it was logical to look around for files in my Gmail account, since various people have sent me various songs that way over the years.

The disadvantage is: this made me re-read old e-mails which would've been better kept forgotten... in the context of what happened since such messages mostly make me think thoughts like "aww, fuck." or "fuck you you misleading coward" or "I should have gotten back to this person 3 years ago I suck."

speaking of music: there is a new song up on the Feather and Folly Myspace page. It is called Holiday and we recorded it last Sunday in a public ladies' bathroom at school in the dark. Some of the lyrics are by Richard Brautigan, I think they are my favorite lyrics.

We recorded music all day. Good people recorded it for us. I am excited to hear it when it is ready. I hope you are too.

this blog's keyword analysis says more about me than this blog does

-winter makes me feel like shit
-i don't know what to say anymore
-black metal
-obama singing whatever you like
-why is there nothing interesting happening in my life?
-why did fred sandback's work make me cry
-poem "lonely pilot"

Loved by the unhappy.

Feather & Folly have been doing some recording. I just pimped our myspace with some Dolomite mountains. There there are now 2 songs the myspace playlist featuring me: Cold Spring & Crazy Baby. Every time I communicate the latter name I find myself thinking about Britney Spears (a blessing and a curse), however the song is actually about On the Road by Kerouac (Holly wrote it). It is only one out of a selection we have about Kerouac. The improved myspace also includes a video recording of us performing "I got over Kerouac" (a Jonathan Byerley cover). Anyway. I'm the one with the messed up voice (Holly is the one with the pretty, angelic nice voice) and the tambourine / snare drum / whatever they allow me to beat on.

Here´s a couple of pictures from practice:






...and here is one from a practice with my other band, severed goat head of death in the skull river of frozen morbid doom blood

how I roll

Here's a tribal shaman magic swimming pool dance that you should probably look at.

It inspired me to write "a poem".

When I Grow Up

When I grow up
I want to be a maniac
a maniac
on the dance floor.

---

I was walking on 6th avenue the other day when I saw this magazine cover in a window:



I know the words are a little hard to make out, but I'll transcribe for you:

"ZOMG ICELAND YOU CAN DO IT!"

"preserve your genes! you guys are all, like, so hot! zomg!"

"use your hotness to make people like you!"

"make music! you guys are like totally good at that! making music is so cute! people like music! people like cuteness!"

"there's nothing wrong with just fishing and knitting you guys! that is like so totally cute also!"


I wasn't sure whether to be offended or entertained. But what can I say. I'm pretty cute, I have two of those sweaters and I make music.

speaking of. feather and folly are playing a show tonight.

I am trying to not fail at life. I mostly want to go home. And look at the wall. And look at the television. And eat food all the time. And not communicate. And be completely useless.

But I don't know what will happen.

I want to write about things on this blog all the time, fun things maybe, but then I think "no you are failing at life you don't have time to blog".

That's how I roll.

PATIENTLY PATIENTLY

Over Thanksgiving I went up to Westchester with Alex Fitzgerald and Taylor Hand to spend the holiday with Alex's family. It was wonderfully relaxing and magical and I didn't take any picture because I'm not as cool as I used to be or something. We just ate food and watched TV forever AND JUMPED ON THE TRAMPOLINE I L<3VE THE TRAMPOLINE SO MUCH and we petted all the giant dogs a lot. and we baked many desserts. and I wish I could do these things every day of my life forever.

Technically I could always decide to move back in with my parents and maybe get some kind of minimum-effort-required job and then do nothing but eat and watch movies and pet my cat and bake in my spare time. I could just do those things and try to not think about anything and not worry about going out or buying stuff or meeting people. I could pretend that concepts like "art" and "new york city" and "cool people" didn't exist. My parents might be a little disappointed in me and it might make me a little bit crazier than I already am but I know they wouldn't stand in my way if I really wanted to do this.

just a thought.

anyway, now I'm home and completely overwhelmed with everything I need to do for the next 22 days and sad and overwhelmed and paralyzed and sad. Andrew is still in Omaha.

which makes me just sit and think my thought and not do anything. except eat banana cream pie and drink water with lime juice and play Mappy. I got to round 6 today.



Andrew and I found a roommate for next semester. I have plans for next semester. I am trying to think about how they are good plans but I'm mostly scared of them.

... a thought.

---

Here is the advice section:

If you want me to like you don't ever call me at 7 in the morning on a Sunday when you're drunk and have nothing of great importance to say.

---

Here is where I ask you for advice:

what should I do?

---

Here's a video, remarkable mainly for the fact that it was the first and only you-tube video my mom ever sent to me. I am so proud of my mom for being so technologically advanced and cool. (My dad is too just in different ways).

fail time.

I've been eternally sick. sickety sick sick. not cold and flu sick, mystery sick. It just keeps coming back. I went to the doctor's yesterday and they took my blood out of me and then I felt even shittier because I don't have a lot of it already. So I'm on the verge of failing all of my classes on attendance. I need some crazy miracle to happen for me to pass them all. If you are doing some kind of voodoo on me you can stop now. You have succeeded.

They're going to let me know if they can solve the mystery of what exactly is wrong with me in 2 weeks. great. that helps. I already waited 3 weeks to see a doctor and by the time they get back to me I'll be going home in 2 weeks. To iceland where there are real doctors who actually talk to you.

This makes me want to give up on america but i am not going to. But I want to go home and hibernate and have my mamma take care of me and make me oatmeal and boiled fish.

maybe my poor icelandic cells are just suffering from a lack of good fat white fish. maybe that's all i need to make me strong. and homegrown boiled potatoes with melted butter on top. maybe that will stop me from wasting away.










I'm sad.