on not sleeping

I want to write about sleep a little bit. while I haven't slept in 32 hours. after writing about it I think I'm going to go to sleep.

well. During my first year at Parsons I would constantly do this. I would constantly not sleep. either I stayed up all night because I had so much homework to do, or I willingly stayed up after finishing my homework to go to a party, or just make out with someone attractive all night. I'd take a 1 - 2 hour nap before school, or not. consequentially I would frequently fall asleep during class. my teachers complained about this. I did okay anyway. not great. semi great.

I remember when I started sleeping. I started sleeping around the time when I moved into eric's apartment for a few weeks. It was an interesting time to start sleeping at night because a) for the first time I only had school 2 days a week and b) a didn't really have a bed to sleep in. although I did have a couch and 2 beds in other locations that I took turns sleeping in.

last night I stayed up totally and completely all night doing homework for the first time since that time when I was superhuman and never slept. It was like this: at 7 AM I am finishing what I considered "the most important homework". Turns out later it wasn't even that important. Anyway, I finish it and it's 7 am and I think "Oh my god. this means I can't go to sleep at all. I have to get ready for school now. I am going to die." I look in the mirror and see a scary dead zombie hag looking back at me. Not sleeping/ eating a lot of greasy food for a couple of days has made my skin break out. I think "okay. okay. I will take a shower. I will take a shower and put on makeup and try to look slightly better and then I'll be more likely to make it through my first 6 hours of classes. I'll skip the last 3 hours. I'll go home and sleep. ben katchor won't care." I almost fall asleep in the shower. I make breakfast. I almost fall asleep in my breakfast. I fall asleep in my breakfast for 5 minutes. I think "okay shit I have to go. I'm going to die." After the shower I look slightly better but still completely living-dead. That's okay. I miserably get the hugest cup of coffee before I get on the train. I look miserable with my coffee on the train. I get to class, finish my coffee, feel better. feel better through the 6 hours. decide to go to ben katchors class because i feel better. ben has a slow voice and it's dark. I get sleepy. ben is saying dumb things about my picture story. I decide to be mad at him and send him mean thoughts. I hope he notices. I decide to stop being mean and take a nap in the middle of the classroom. there's 3 of us lying down in the middle. ben doesnt care. he just talks slowly through the 3 hours. I buy a lamp on my way home. a cozy bedside reading lamp. the guy in the lamp store is really nice. he is going to give andrew and I a big discount on a lamp for the living room.

I come home and write this. I feel like I accomplished something today. I will take a nap now and then i will wake up to have a beer and maybe dinner and watch project runway with nice people and then i will sleep for a long time.